Tears

I saw a pregnant woman and came home and cried for hours; I feel cheated. No one’s at fault, but I’m still angry. Disease took what I thought would one day carry my child. I’m incomplete, empty. I’ll never feel my child growing in me. I’ll never feel a little foot kicking or a little elbow reminding me that I’ll soon hold my own little angel in my arms. I’ll never grow big with my baby. I’ll never sit for hours and rub my belly and talk to my baby. All I can do is smile at each pregnant woman I see, or hold each little niece or nephew that’s placed in my arms.
I’ve raised my nephew as my own. I love him so much and I tell him every chance I have. I know God’s blessed me with him. I’ve loved all my nephews and nieces as my own. I’ve cherished and protected. I’ve smiled and laughed and then I’ve come home and my tears have soaked my pillow until it feels like my heart will break. I’m 50 years old now; why doesn’t it stop hurting? Why haven’t the tears stopped? It hurts, it hurts, Father, it hurts…


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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by belladonna23 on February 24, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    this made me cry… it’s very sad and sweet for me. I lost a child last november 😦 it was just like how you described, in fact, I also wrote poetry on this matter.. the father was an ex who didn’t care, and although I am young, I knew that I would be the best mother that child would ever have. Having my own family is all that I’ve lived for. And for weeks after the miscarriage, I would wake up forgetting that I had lost my baby.. Be blessed dear. God gives us all a purpose, and I’m sure that yours has been to make the impact that I’m sure you made, on your nieces and nephews..
    you dont have to comment but I would be happy to share these with you..
    http://belladonna23.wordpress.com/2011/12/03/love-lost/
    http://belladonna23.wordpress.com/2011/11/28/sonnet-xxxix/
    http://belladonna23.wordpress.com/2011/11/29/random-thoughts-i-send-you-love/
    http://belladonna23.wordpress.com/2011/12/03/sonnet-xxxx/
    http://belladonna23.wordpress.com/2011/12/15/sonnet-xliii/

    Reply

  2. Life is not easy my friend. Just hold on.
    God bless you….

    Reply

    • Dakshi, thanks for visiting and for your encouragement. I continue to hold fast and I’m sure that some day soon the tears will be tears of refreshing instead of sadness. Thank you again, Blessings.

      Reply

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