I don’t know if you’ve ever wanted to beat a family member or not, but right now I did! Finding this sticky mess on my face and hair was not at all funny. My brothers all knew I slept heavily when I was exhausted, so they’d waited for me to pass out and had proceeded to paint my face with different colored frosting and had whipped creamed the almighty heck out of my hair.
Waking up a few minutes earlier, I’d heard the football game loudly in the background and giggling from one of my nieces, “Ooh Tio! Tia’s gonna beat yo butt when she sees that.” Automatically correcting her I yawned and mumbled, “…your butt, mija…y – o – u – r.”
Another giggle sounded, then a hurried, “Shhh!”
I walked through my brother Max’s kitchen which smelled of ginger and spice and everything nice, and I’m not talking about my young nieces, it just smelled that good. Since I knew the way by heart I kept my eyes closed and just moseyed along until the gentle bubbling of the table top fountain I’d bought them last Christmas told me I’d arrived at my destination right outside the water closet.
Mumbling to myself, I wondered out loud, “Should I turn the light on or not? Nah! Just get your business over and done with dummy.” Sitting on the porcelain throne I lifted my hand to run it through my curly reddish brown hair…my fingers got stuck. What should have felt like baby soft curls (I’ve always hated that I have hair like a baby’s. I mean for goodness sakes, I’m 55 already!!) was hard as a rock and it felt like horns sticking out of my head.
You know, I can’t even tell you if I was actually finished or not, I was just in a such doggone hurry to see what disaster had befallen me. Rushing to the light switch by the door the big toe on my right foot hit something really hard, “Judas Priest Iscariot, I hope you burn!!!”
I could hear giggling right outside the door as I snapped the light on and turning faced the mirror. After a horrified gasp, I screeched, “Sandblasted poopheads, peanut butter and jelly and everything I hate. You are so dead hermanos (brothers)!!!”
I heard guffaws as I opened the door and found the entire hallway full of as many members of my family as would fit.
“Hey there guys, which one of you did this to me?” I was smiling as I asked. That I wasn’t yelling, kind of scared the perpetrators, because Antonio, Miguel and Jose looked at each other quickly, then down at the floor. Everyone else grinned and pointed at those three, soon to be sorry suckers.
“Tony, you’re paying for my Beautiful You Spa visit tomorrow. Miguel, you’re cooking supper for the familia for the next two weeks and Jose, you’re going to baby sit my grandkids, also for the next two weeks,” and looking around at the other guilty parties, “and for those of you who could have stopped them, but didn’t; I expect you at my house early Saturday morning. We’ll be cleaning and painting, unless it rains or snows, then we’re inside doing early spring cleaning, okay?” I chirped merrily. A round of groans was followed by, “yes, ma’am…” from everyone in the hall as they walked back into the living room.
An hour later I walked out into the hallway with my face as red as a beet; it had taken me that long to get the stains off my face. They had put quite a bit of food coloring in that frosting. Now that the shock of seeing frosting tic tac toe thingies all over my face, with “The cat wins!” written on my forehead and my hair sticking out every which way had worn off, I had to admit it was quite funny. While I’d showered, I’d laughed until the tears had run down my face.
Just before rounding the corner into the living room, I heard Tony say, “Mama, you were right. The only way Chelly would let us help with her house was if she thought she was punishing us. It worked…but, now I have to pay for her spa visit tomorrow.”
“Shut your boca (mouth), mijo (my son)! I told you to make her mad, but nooo you three clowns had to act like idiotas (self-explanatory. LOL!!). You deserve everything you’ve got coming to you. Jajajajajajaja!!!” You know, old ladies cackle when they think something is funny? I finally managed to take the grin off my face before walking back into that testosterone infested room.
I made myself comfortable on the recliner and checked my Pro Football Pick’em scores; so far I was ahead of everyone (out of 14 games, I’d won 13. My brothers hated when that happened, since I had no idea what football was all about).
Someone had asked me a few weeks back how I would describe love and I hadn’t been able to at the time, but now as I started to doze off again, I realized that love was familia, even if the guys sometimes act like poopheads. I hadn’t wanted to bother them because they were always so busy, but they’d found a way to help me out anyway. Yeah, family was the best and I was blessed with mine.
As I yawned and rolled over to go to sleep, I heard giggling again, “Ooh Tio Miguel. Tia Chelly’s gonna kill you when she sees that you posted those pictures on Facebook!!”
My heavy eyelids began to close in sleep and I thought to myself, “Yeah, I love my familia, but Miguel you’re so dead when I wake up,” and smiling I went to sleep.
There are lots of awesome writers on this this week’s short story slam. Take a little bit of time and read some of their poems or stories. You’ll really enjoy them.
Have a wonderfully blessed New Year’s Eve and Day. Stay safe. Love ya’ll!!